Waiting

I'm waiting for my dad to get out of the shower so that I can get into the shower. Once my brother and I are ready we're going to head up to check on my mom. She had her transplant yesterday and by all accounts, everything went well. We were up at the crack of dawn to be at the hospital by 5:45 so we could spend some time with my mom and her donor before they wheeled them off to surgery. Of course, everything was separate. The donor went in first, my mom about forty minutes later. My mom got very nervous right before they wheeled her off. When they came with the gurney to bring her to surgery, all the blood drained from her face. She was so excited for the transplant, to finally be healthy and well, but nervous for the surgery and what she knew would be a painful recovery. I felt horrible for my mom as we walked with the gurney down to the 3rd floor and then watched her wheeled into the O.R. prep area. Even my dad was shook up, and emotionally, he's a rock. He didn't cry, I've only seen him cry one time in my whole life, but he looked as close as I've ever seen him.

This surgery has made me think a lot about love. As far as the donor went, I was choking up as I walked down the admitting area to look for her before surgery. It finally dawned on me that she was about to undergo major surgery and give up an organ for my mom, a person she didn't know before she started getting tested, and still even just barely knew. Most people won't donate and rationalize it by thinking that something might happen to them that they might need both someday. Someone else might think, maybe someone in my family might need one someday. Someone else might think, I'm not going to test, someone else will come along. And some people for no reason at all, even those you expect would want to give, for some reason just decide they would rather not. The donor consciously knew and understood the risks, but decided she wanted to go forward with it. She said she felt at peace with her decision and knew that God would provide for her or her family later, should the need arise, but knew that my Mom needed help now and bravely went through with surgery. I think there is no greater act of love for another human being.

On another spectrum, I witnessed the love between my parents. I guess I always took that for granted. They're my mom and dad, of course they love each other. I guess being in my first real, true loving relationship put things into perspective. I realize that my parents chose each other, that they made a conscious effort to be committed to each other, through EVERYTHING. I saw them mouth "I love you" to each other, and felt like it was something I should't have seen, it was so intensely personal. I watched their last hug before my mom went into surgery and thought of all they went through in life, from before the time I was born through now. My dad's been a champ, driving an hour to take my mom in for treatments, driving an hour back to go to work, and then driving another hour back and forth to pick her up at the end of his day. I talked to my mom the night before surgery while she was in the hospital and told her my dad was taking a nap. She said, "good, I've been wearing him out." Rather than worrying about chores or her want to talk to him, she was happy to know he was resting, and comfortable. Like I said, I always took their love for granted, assuming it was just there. I've remembered over the last few days that they are a couple, commited to each other and to their family. They've made each other their family, and they are concerned for each other's welfare more than they are for their own. It's been inspring and it makes me that much more grateful for the love I finally have in my own life and made me even more committed to being completely devoted to each other, no matter what difficulties we may someday face.

There are so many kinds of love, and I've seen several of them over and over the last few days. I'm getting teary eyed now just thinking about it. People and life really are good, and there is so much joy that we can gain through life and the people that surround us. Sometimes that's easy to forget in the day to day routine of life, but it's right in front of us, sometimes buried just under the surface of what we see. People are good and are a direct reflection of God and his love for all of us.

I'm sure you're all wondering how surgery went. The donor was out first, in good spirits and on facebook and texting pretty quickly. My mom came out a little later. Her surgery was a little more invasive, they took out two kidneys that weighed a total of 15lbs (they normally weigh 1/3rd lb) and "installed" her new one. She wasn't quite herself the first day because of the anesthesia and the pain meds. Today my brother and I were with her till my dad got off work. She was out of bed and in a chair. She was in a lot of pain, but seemed like herself. The donor walked over to the room to say hi, but my mom was pretty out of it when she came in. They said my mom will be walking tomorrow. I don't think it will feel very good, but I guess it's really good for her to get up and moving. She's also on heavy immunosuppresants, so we have to be very careful around her, hand washing when you come in and go out of her room are required.

It's still hard seeing my mom suffer, but all in all it's a good thing, because soon she will be recovered and feeling better than she has in a long time. To honor the donor, I signed up for the bone marrow registry at http://www.marrow.org/JOIN/index.html?src=tabjoin. I can honor the donor by putting myself out there to help someone else the way she did. In that way, I figure she will have saved more than just my mom with her gift. It was actually free when I registered. They took all my credit card info and then waived it in the final billing. If you've at all considered doing it, now is the time.

I'll keep you all posted with hopefully more and more good news.